The Style Invitational Week 976 Join now -- it’s our build-a-neologism contest
By Pat Myers, Updated: Thursday, June 14, 7:24 PM
Lap-do: One way to deal with a hairy
belly.
Here’s a neologism contest we
used to run all the time but haven’t done in years. It used to be called
“Hyphen the Terrible,” back before millions of people started reading The Post
online, where lines don’t end in hyphens. This is the 21st-century version.
This week: Combine the beginning and end of any two words or names in this week’s
Style Invitational and Style Conversational columns to make a new term, and
define it, as in the example above, which combines parts of “lapse” and
“outdo.” Each part must have at least two letters including a vowel; you may
use the ending of a word as your beginning and vice versa, but not two ends or
two beginnings. The online version of the Invite, at wapo.st/inv976a, has some
extra words; the Conversational is at wapo.st/conv976.
Winner gets the Inkin’
Memorial, the Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins the charming “Pat
the Politician,” a 2004 parody of the baby touch-book “Pat the Bunny”; in this
one, you can pull Nixon’s nose, read Bush’s lips and touch Clinton’s
underpants. Donated by Roy Ashley.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt (we’re phasing these out),
a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly,
tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 25;
results published July 15 (online July 13). No more than 25 entries per entrant
per week. Include “Week 976” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your
entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/StyleInv. The subhead for
this week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart; the alternative headline in
the “Next week” line is by Jeff Contompasis.. Join the Style Invitational
Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
Report from Week 972, in which we listed 16 “trending topics” from a few weeks ago and
asked you to explain how any two were alike or different: Many Losers noted
that both Michael Phelps and John Edwards were associated with the breast
stroke.
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Michael Phelps and Bristol
Palin: Each got into trouble after doing some dope. (Bird Waring, Larchmont,
N.Y.)
2. Winner of the papier-mache
surfing skeleton:
John Edwards and Serena
Williams: Both play a game in which love means nothing. (Edward Gordon, Austin)
3. Beethoven: Roll over. John
Edwards: Heel. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)
4. “Desperate Housewives” has
a cast of many good-looking, complicated, disturbed, egotistical characters who
cheat, lie and cover up lies. John Edwards: Cast of one. (Janice Haas,
Bethesda, Md., a First Offender)
Subordinate conjunctions: Honorable mentions
Michael Phelps can
outdo any guy in the pool, while the Desperate Housewives are out to do any guy
in the pool. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Beethoven, stone deaf,
created serious music; Howard Stern, tone deaf, creates Sirius mucus. (Howard
Mantle, Lafayette, Calif.)
Michael Phelps and Desperate
Housewives: The latter are famous for world-record meddling. (Christopher
Lamora, Guatemala City; Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Mark Zuckerberg created
billions out of thin air; JP Morgan Chase created thin air out of billions. (William
C. Kennard, Arlington, Va.)
Bristol Palin is unlike John
Edwards: She has a famous mother; he is one. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Beethoven and Howard Stern:
Beethoven has produced fewer works titled “Butt Bongo Fiesta.” (Phil
Frankenfeld, Washington)
Beethoven and John Edwards:
One was a likable dog. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Bristol Palin and a
jellyfish: Each is a challenging dance partner. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase,
Md.)
Mother’s Day and “Game of
Thrones”: One you get breakfast in bed; with the other you get breakfast
inbred. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
iPod and jellyfish: When you
get in the water, you don’t want to find either one in your swimsuit. (Beverley
Sharp)
Michael Phelps generates fast
times in pools; Howard Stern generates a pastime for fools. (Mike Gips,
Bethesda, Md.)
Yemen is known for her Red
Sea, whereas John Edwards is known for his scarlet A. (Larry Yungk, Arlington,
Va.; Christopher Lamora)
Robert Pattinson: vampire.
“Desperate Housewives”: vamp ire. (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
Mother’s Day: Send a card to
your mom. Bristol Palin: A mom who gets carded. (Larry Yungk)
Jellyfish and JPMorgan Chase:
Contact with either causes irritation, and both might sting you when you are
not paying attention. But the jellyfish is more transparent. (Daniel McMahon,
Hyattsville, Md., a First Offender)
JPMorgan Chase lost $2
billion in derivatives. Mark Zuckerberg lost $2 billion in his couch. (Jonathan
Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Same-sex marriages, John Edwards:
Edwards leads 1-0 in the number of traditional marriages destroyed. (David
Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Robert Pattinson vs. JPMorgan
Chase: Pattinson just pretends to be a bloodsucker. (Kevin Dopart)
Michael Phelps: Laps. John
Edwards: Lapses. (Brendan Beary; Christopher Lamora)
“Desperate Housewives” and
JPMorgan Chase? There's apparently no accounting for either. (Brendan Beary)
Robert Pattinson and John
Edwards: Both have characters that suck. (Dave Ferry, Key West, Fla.)
Beethoven vs. Howard Stern:
One held the baton while conducting “Eroica,” the other while reading erotica.
(Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Both JPMorgan Chase and Mark
Zuckerberg have lost billions of dollars recently, but Zuckerberg should be
okay: He married a doctor. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
Still running — deadline
Monday night — is the Week 975 “Sixth Myth” contest. See wapo.st/inv975.
Visit the online discussion
group The Style Conversational (published Fridays), where the Empress discusses
today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and
you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt
figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail
notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted
online, write to the Empress at losers@washpost.com (note that in the subject
line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far
more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.
Next Week: A Real Triple Crown, or Threeplaying the
Ponies